Is there a national calendar shortage?

It is November. NOT CHRISTMAS! Look in your calendars. yes the terrible truth lurks there.

You have another month of stuffing yourselves silly. That's before it even begins. I know it's official in the gospel according to St Tesco that thou shalt start wishing everyone a Merry Christmas as soon as thou has sold the last easter egg. Got to have something to keep the plebs scoffing junk.

Before December, I don't want to hear it.

There's no such thing as a baby name.

There should be books published called "30 year old names" or "person-who-will-be-choosing-your-retirement-home names"

When you name your child, please remember, he/she will not always be a baby, you want him/her to grow up (presumably), find a job, a partner. With a name like Sonny? Princess? Fifi? Chanel? If these are names you are considering, bear in mind you may have a very miserable old age.

Get used to boiled cabbage! And the worst culprits in the boiled cabbage stakes? Jamie Oliver and "feed the world" Bob Geldof.

Does my bum look big in this....parking space?

You know who you are, those of you who think that you're not properly parked unless your tyres are touching the kerb. Well here's some news, you're a pain!

Either you're like a big daft dog that keeps trying to put his nose through the window, because he doesn't realise that it extends beyond his eyes, or you're completely unaware that footpaths are not there as a parking aid. They're for pedestrians, pushchair and wheelchair users. Except now we have to risk our lives on the road because some of you have enormous rear ends and noses.

Just think will you!